I Just Can’t Let It Go- SOL

Today was a mixed bag full of highs and lows. I work with incredible people and knowing others are struggling is difficult. Today was a day when I not only saw the struggles of another, but I felt the gut punch she’s learned to live with.

I felt it first when I looked into her eyes and saw the pleas of help and the fear of already having been defeated. I felt it again as I experienced what’s become all to common to her. And it lingered throughout the day as I reflected.

I pushed it all away and walked into a meeting where other matters where highlighted and tossed about. But still the feeling was low in my gut, fighting to rise again. 

I pushed it further down and walked into a classroom where 26 second graders and and an eager teacher were waiting to compose their FIRST community blog post! We all worked together planning, editing, revising, and finally publishing with GREAT CELEBRATION! 

But still, as the class wrote their message, the gut feelings pushed and shoved, fighting to rise again.  I thought of the morning, the look in her eyes, and I wondered how she was doing now? Was she still feeling the pain, the struggle, the helplessness? 

I pushed the feeling down again. I walked into another meeting. We celebrated growth and planned steps for continued growth and the feelings nudged. 

The day ended. I met a friend for coffee. We talked about our families, our upcoming breaks, and our jobs. The feeling began to rumble and bubble. I thought of her, her eyes, and her family. What did she have left to take home to her family? 

On my drive home I made some calls. I shared my perspectives with those who can help. It was a risk. I was heard, the situation was understood, and most importantly I brought support to her.

My shoulders relaxed, I took a deep breath, and the feelings turned to productive. No longer did I feel  hopeless empathy. 

Next, I called her, “Hey, how are you? I’ve been thinking of you all day. I just couldn’t let it go. I want you to know I called ____. I want to support you.” 

It was 7:40 pm, 

she was just leaving school.